Sure, you could go out and get a tattoo of a butterfly on your arm or your leg, but do you know where it would look even better? On your lower back. That’s right. I’m talking about tramp stamps, the trashy, Monster Energy-drinking, dirt bike-riding forgotten sibling of tattoo locations.
Popularized in trailer parks and any other areas with high mullet concentrations, the tramp stamp has largely fallen out of popularity as it’s developed a certain negative connotation among more “high-class” circles. But, you know what? I say we bring the tramp stamp back to the mainstream. So, call up your local tattoo artist, throw away your former stigmas, and get ready because, in this article, we’re talking about tramp stamps.
You could go with a classic tramp stamp tattoo: a butterfly, a heart, your ex-boyfriend’s name. But, if you want to separate yourself from all of those other beautiful people with lower back tattoos, it’s time to get creative. And, if you’re getting a tramp stamp, you’re already very clearly a reckless person.
Why not go full tilt and get something provocative or ridiculous? Yeah, your mom and dad may not approve and judgemental people are going to crack jokes at your expense, but screw them. Getting a wacky tramp stamp is your way of saying, “I’m trashy and extra but you’re just going to have to deal with it.”
If the last two paragraphs have convinced you that tramp stamps are going to make a comeback, then it’s time to start considering what you’re going to get inked on your lower back. It’s a tough decision. It’s going to be on your skin for the rest of your life and the whole world is going to see it every time you wear your favorite crop-top. But, to get you thinking critically about what kind of tramp stamp you want, here are a few ideas:
“Insert Coins In Slot”
This one is an absolute classic. What’s funnier than pretending your buttcrack is a coin slot in a vending machine? I’ll tell you what: nothing. Nothing is funnier. If anyone sees your lower back tattoo and doesn’t immediately laugh their ass off, then that person has no sense of humor.
Not only is getting “Insert Coin In Slot” tattooed above your buttcrack hilarious, but it’s also functional. Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up collecting a few dollars in loose change from people who appreciate your body art. And, while tattoos are typically pretty expensive, this is one tattoo idea that might end up being profitable.
If you’ve never played Pokemon or watched the anime series, then this probably isn’t the tramp stamp tattoo that you want. However, if you are a fan of the iconic card game and series, then I strongly suggest getting Diglett inked right above your pooper.
Imagine it: you go to the beach with some new friends, you go to the bathroom and swimming gear, and your friends see the adorable face of Diglett popping up from the waistline of your swimsuit. Incredible.
Now, I fully support getting any of 898 Pokemon tattooed on your lower back; however, I think we can all agree that Diglett is probably the best option. Wait a second. Would Dugtrio be better? Is three better than one? It’s hard to say.
Imagine that the space between your buttcheeks is the Grand Canyon. Now imagine someone in a helicopter skydiving from thousands of feet above the Earth straight into the Grand Canyon (or, in this case, your butt). What am I getting at here? You should get a tramp stamp of a skydiver hurtling toward your buttcrack at terminal velocity.
Perhaps your skydiver hasn’t deployed their parachute yet or perhaps they already have. Perhaps your skydiver is in the middle of trying to deploy their parachute but it isn’t working, causing them to fall in a panicked death spiral all the way down to where the sun don’t shine. The choice is yours.
The Cocoa Puffs Logo
I don’t think I want to explain this too much. If you get it, you get it. The logo for a brown, chocolatey cereal located right above your bum. Alright, I may as well just say it. It’s a poop joke. You’re never too old for a good poop joke. And you’re definitely never too old to get a poop joke tattooed on your body for the rest of your natural life.
Now, this tattoo could go one of two ways legally. Maybe General Mills sees your tattoo after you post it on your Instagram or TikTok and thinks it’s hilarious, decides to make you their official Cocoa Puffs spokesperson, and pays you extravagant sums of money.
The other option, however, is that General Mills is not so thrilled with your new tattoo and decides to hit you hard with a defamation lawsuit that leaves you in debt until the day you die. So, while getting this tattoo would be a work of comedic genius, it’s also a little bit risky.
Where do bats live? They live in caves. You know where this is going. Call up your tattoo artist right now and have them permanently ink a bunch of bats flying out of your butt and onto your lower back. Or would it be even better if they were flying into your butt? I’ll leave that decision up to you.
Now, the type of bat that you choose to get tattooed is also up to you. You could go with a colony of cute bats (like the adorable Egyptian fruit) or, if you’d rather put people off with your tramp stamp, you could get a more hideous variety (such as the horrifying Hardwicke’s woolly bat).
Danny DeVito is one of the most iconic and instantly recognizable actors of all time. Well known for his masterful performances in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, L.A. Confidential, and, of course, his portrayal of Frank Reynolds on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Danny DeVito’s adorable face is an image that will immediately inspire happiness and chuckling.
What better place to put his beautiful face than right above your tushy? And, by getting a Danny DeVito tramp stamp, you’d be paying homage to one of the greatest actors of the modern era.
Plus, you could snap a photo of your amazing new DeVito-inspired tramp stamp and get it trending on Twitter and maybe Danny DeVito himself would see it. Next thing you know, you’re on a private jet flying to DeVito’s mansion in Malibu to spend a few days with the famous actor and his family. If that’s not a reason to get this tramp stamp, I don’t know what is.
Who’s never thought about how cool it would be to have a second belly button? Well, you’ve already got one on the front of your body. Why not get one on the back as well? So, when people see your lower back, they’ll have a brief moment of confusion and think that they’re looking at your stomach when, in fact, they’re looking at your back. Hilarious!
This tramp stamp is particularly good for belly dancers. With two belly buttons, you’ll essentially be doubling your belly dancing capabilities. And everyone knows that a good belly dancer is just about the most erotic thing on Earth.