So, your love life’s a mess.
You went out on a date with a cute guy who seemed nice enough, but two hours into your conversation at a Japanese restaurant that sells the worst ramen you’ve had in your life, he drops the bomb. Your romantic prospect thinks the ending of Game of Thrones was a literary and cinematic masterpiece. Record scratch. The camera zooms in on your face, frozen by horror. He delivers the killing blow with a classist remark about blue-collar workers.
It’s time to give up. No man is perfect.
You go home dejected and cry out to someone, anyone, who can help you find prince charming. A blue glow appears in your living room. The Fairy Godmother has taken pity on your hapless soul and offers to set you up on a date with one of the Disney princes.
Surely, if there is a perfect man for you it has to be one of the Disney princes. Maybe.
Disney Prince #10: Prince Florian
You’re probably surprised he even has a name. Out of all the Disney princes, it’s him and Prince Charming, the guy from Cinderella, whose names are never said on-screen during the first movie. If it’s still not clicking for you, Prince Florian is the love interest in Snow White.
Allegations of necrophilia aside, there’s really nothing particularly wrong with Florian. He even seems like a pretty sweet guy in that scene where he shows up at Snow White’s castle and starts singing with her.
Other than that, do you really remember anything about him? He’s gone during so many events of the film that, other than the scene where he shows up to kiss Snow White, he has no impact on the events of the movie.
Going out on a date with this guy will probably make for the least stimulating conversation you’ve ever had in your life.
Disney Prince #9: John Smith
Ah yes, the gaslight, gatekeep, genocide of the Disney princes. Give it up for John Smith.
Look, he’s a handsome guy. He’s tall, athletically built, and has the most stunning pair of blue eyes you’ve ever seen on a Disney prince, but this is a guy who comes to the New World thinking about how he’s going to get gold and fight the natives.
Like all Disney princes, John Smith is presented to us as a heroic good guy. But let’s not forget that the o.g John Smith was a balding, middle-aged man while Pocahontas was literally 12 years old.
How are you so sure that you won’t get catfished by this guy? For all you know, he might have a POC fetish or is lowkey a racist, especially when you remember that he signed up to loot villages halfway across the world.
Disney Prince #8: Prince Naveen
If you’ve seen Legally Blonde: The Musical, you know there’s only one question to ask about Prince Naveen: Is he gay or European?
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with being gay or European or, heck, being both. But we need a proper explanation as to why this member of the Disney princes roster is so flamboyant.
Either way, unless you’re forced to be around this guy like Tiana was, you’re not getting far with Prince Naveen. The guy is so self-obsessed and obliviously classist that he could be in a Parasite sequel and nothing would be amiss.
If Disney wasn’t so afraid of providing real LGBTQ+ representation that isn’t hidden at the end of the movie as a throwaway dancing scene, we could have had a better pairing between Tiana and Charlotte. Yes, Charlotte. She has a cheerful personality that, though it comes across as vain, is actually pretty selfless.
Disney Prince #7: The Beast
It’s no secret that Prince Adam (a.k.a the Beast) is a fan-favorite among the Disney princes, largely because of the fact that he indulges Belle in her reading habits and the other suitor in the film, Gaston, is openly sexist and violent.
Is it just him, though?
Beauty and the Beast wants us to believe that all it takes to turn a guy into a prince is a little love and patience. Never mind that he literally holds Belle’s father hostage to blackmail her into staying with him and that he’s killed a handful of his servants. Surprised?
Think about it, when we see the west wing of the castle, you’ll notice broken furniture strewn on the floor. We know that the Beast’s servants have been turned into furniture and we’ve seen him launch into violent fits during the course of the movie. The Beast is a massive hunk of muscle with claws and the sharpest temper of any of the Disney princes.
You sure you want to go out with a guy who nearly tears the girl he’s trying to woo into ribbons? Before you say that he’s not a beast anymore, remember the curse is only there to change his appearance. So unless you want to be another statistic: run.
Disney Prince #6: Prince Charming
Prince Charming couldn’t even remember what Cinderella looked like after spending an entire evening hanging out with her. There’s being bad with remembering faces and then there’s this guy.
In Prince Charming’s defense, though, he’s easily the funniest of the group. The guy has a lot of personality for a 50s Disney prince, especially when you remember that the prince before him was Prince Florian.
Just look at him rolling his eyes and yawning during the ball. Charming is so done and, honestly, that’s relatable. He gets even more hilarious in Cinderella 3: A Twist In Time. The sequel has a scene where the king tells him he can’t take another step down the palace stairs so Prince Charming, using what is probably the last of his brain cells, jumps out of a nearby window.
I am in tears.
Whether you and this Disney prince would end up together doesn’t even matter. He’d be a riot to be around so go ahead and schedule that date. Worst case scenario is you get a sassy new friend.
Disney Prince #5: Aladdin
If Harry Styles has proven anything, it’s that our guy, gal, and non-binary pals love a guy who can rock a crop top.
When it comes to Disney princes who can rock a crop top, the battle is probably between Aladdin, Naveen, Shang, and Eric. But because we only have proof for one, Aladdin is the obvious winner.
Though Aladdin lies to Jasmine about his origins, his heart is in the right place and he actually does feel guilty about pretending to be a prince to get her attention. His firecracker personality, street smarts, and willingness to step up to the plate when Jafar steals the sultan’s throne and starts creeping on Jasmine.
Despite him being a con artist, Aladdin is still a prince. In a way. Aladdin and the King of Thieves revealed that Aladdin’s absent father is the King of Thieves and it’s clear to anyone who’s seen Aladdin’s parkour skills that he’s inherited the royal robber genes.
You’ll have to keep a close eye on your wallet if you go out with Aladdin, but you’re sure to never have a dull moment with this unexpected gentleman.
Disney Prince #4: Li Shang
This is where it starts to get a lot more difficult because from here on out, all of the Disney princes left on our list are great guys. The only reason Li Shang is down here instead of higher in the list is his totally uncalled-for reaction to finding out that Mulan is a woman.
Still, Li Shang is fantastic. He quickly comes around and realizes that Mulan is right: What’s so different about her and Ping? While he’s the kind of guy who upholds traditional values, it’s clear he isn’t the type to stick to bigoted ways of thinking which is an automatic win in my book.
We also see a lot of his personality and how that plays out with Mulan’s. Shang is a career-driven man who has no issue with going through hardship for what he believes in. His men respect him for his competence, leadership ability, and, even though he’s a bit of a hardass, the fact that he does care about their well-being.
This bi icon among Disney princes is a king that you wouldn’t be ashamed of bringing to see your parents.
Disney Prince #3: Prince Eric
I swear, everybody sleeps on Eric. This Disney prince doesn’t get as much attention as his other royal peers, but his heroic ways and friendly demeanor are enough to put him this high up the list.
If you aren’t sold on Prince Eric, remember this scene from The Little Mermaid where he goes back to his burning ship to save his dog? It’s not the smartest decision in movie history, but it showed just how compassionate Eric is towards the people and animals around him.
Later, when he finds a mute Ariel sitting at the beach, his first instinct is to figure out why this strange, possibly crazy-looking woman is all alone and wearing a sail. When he realizes that she’s disabled, he brings her back to his castle and makes sure she’s taken care of. He even offers to show her around and doesn’t judge a disabled girl for having strange, fork-related habits.
His heroism shows up again during the fight with Ursula when Eric insists he won’t abandon Ariel to be Ursula’s next victim.
Prince Eric has a heart of gold and will appreciate you, quirks and all — but take out a life insurance policy on him because if he keeps dashing foolheartedly into burning ships and underwater battles with tentacled sea witches, he’s not long for this world.
Disney Prince #2: Prince Philip
Prince Philip gets a bad rep for kissing Aurora while she’s asleep, but if we look at the scene itself, it seems to imply that the fairies told him about the curse which is why they’ve led him to her. Plus, Aurora would have stayed dead if he hadn’t so just think of it as fantasy CPR.
Making excuses for this Disney prince aside, what makes Prince Philip so great is that he’s his own man. When his parents try to marry him off to Princess Aurora, who he has no idea is actually Briar Rose, he doesn’t hesitate to stand his ground.
Sure, you could say the same for Prince Eric and Prince Charming, but in his case, it’s more commendable because he knows Briar Rose is a peasant. And it doesn’t matter to him because he already loves her.
Plus, where else are you going to get a guy that’s both loyal and would kill a dragon for you?
Disney Prince #1: Kristoff
While he’s a bit of a fixer-upper, Kristoff is a level-headed guy who knows you shouldn’t be marrying men (and women) you just met. That’s more than you can say for a number of the Disney princes on this list.
He gets even better in Frozen 2 where we see how supportive and emotionally attentive he is to Anna. Though many Disney princes beat him in the fighting skills department, his emotional maturity puts him a cut above all of the Disney princes here. Besides, he’s got solid music taste.
Kristoff is the kind of guy who gets so nervous about an upcoming date that he forgets to put on deodorant. But you’ll forgive him for it because of how pure and wholesome he is.