One of the most iconic animated series of the 2000s, King of the Hill is quotable from the moment it starts to the final episode. From Hank’s catchphrases to Boomhauer’s unintelligible speeches, there are plenty of lines you can use on a daily basis to make your life a little more Arlen, Texas. We narrowed it down to 15 of our favorite quotes from our favorite moments, but if we’re missing a line you enjoy, let us know in the comments below.
1. “That boy ain’t right.”
Starting the list off with a classic, we have Hank’s iconic phrase for whenever Bobby does something, well, not right. Unfortunately for Bobby, this is just about everything he does since his father grew up in a different time, but thankfully, he doesn’t always take it to heart.
More of a primal sound than a quote, Hank’s instinctual reaction to anything surprising or scary is to let out a “bwahhh.” Whether it’s a scary garden gnome, Louanne kissing Boomhauer, or learning that he was born in New York, Hank’s “bwahhh” is truly iconic.
3. “Why would anyone smoke weed when they could just mow a lawn?”
They say this kicks in when you turn forty and buy a riding mower, but for Hank, this has been a motto to live by since he was born. He’s not wrong, either. The smell of fresh-cut grass can be pretty euphoric, but does that mean that Hank has been getting high all this time?
4. “There better be a naked cheerleader under your bed.”
Easily one of the funniest scenes, Bobby has to clean a stained cheerleader’s uniform for Home Economics, only for Hank to catch him with it in his room, leading to Hank’s hope that there’s a naked cheerleader under his bed.
However, Hank is a bit of a hypocrite here since a future episode sees Bobby dressing up as a cheerleader for Powder Puff Football, something Hank is extremely proud of him for since it’s deemed a right of passage for football players.
5. “I sell propane and propane accessories.”
Short, sweet, and to the point. Ask Hank what he does, and he can sum it up for you in just six words. This quote is so popular that it’s been changed to revolve around other industries, products, and is just a big meme at this point.
6. “I’m doped out of my gourd.”
If Hank thought cutting grass was enough, his first time smoking weed (accidentally) sure showed him what being high actually means. Watching Hank freak out after just a few puffs and eventually thinking that he murdered someone in a blacked-out state is just too funny. It’s one of the best King of the Hill episodes, hands down.
7. “God dang it, Bobby.”
Whenever Bobby does something wrong, you can expect this quote to follow. Between all of Bobby’s antics, Hank probably ends up saying this line at least once an episode.
8. “Bobby, if you weren’t my son, I’d hug you.”
This is a line that shows just how bad Hank’s toxic masculinity is. The man can’t even hug his own son out of some attachment to outdated ideals about what it means to be a man. That said, Hank does do a fair bit of changing over the years, and he’s definitely not the same as he was in the beginning.
9. “He’s Laotian. Ain’t you, Mr. Khan?”
Cotton Hill is an absolutely despicable character with almost no redeeming qualities. He lost both his shins in World War II, which has made him quite irritable over the years, but he was already a bad egg before that.
Anyways, one of the first interactions we see between him and Mr. Khan is where he correctly guesses Khan’s nationality, much to the surprise of everyone. After all, this is rural Texas in the 90s and 2000s, and Hank assumed he was either Chinese or Japanese with no other alternative.
Cotton, on the other hand, knew he was Laotian with just one look, thanks in no small part to his time in the Pacific and Southeast Asia. His ability to immediately guess Khan’s identity is surprising yet hilarious.
10. “I don’t have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.”
Don’t we all? This is one of Hank’s more relatable quotes, as idiots can make you angry, but that doesn’t mean you have an anger problem. In Hank’s mind, if the world was rid of idiots, no one would be angry.
11. “6 a.m. and already the boy ain’t right.”
Continuing the trend of Bobby being a nuisance, this line is one of the more memorable ones. It really is too early to start acting up at 6 a.m., so Hank is one hundred percent in the right here.
12. “An F in English? Bobby, you speak English!”
It is funny to think about the implications of failing English class as a native English speaker, but school can be hard, and not everyone is great at writing essays. Hank probably forgot what school was like, but to get an F really shows that Bobby just absolutely doesn’t care or understand his native tongue.
13. “I’m so depressed I can’t even blink.”
Bill Dauterive is one of the more tragic characters on the show, but sometimes, he drops lines that are so relatable and hilarious that you forget how sad his life is. Being so depressed that you can’t blink is a wildly funny (and sad) problem to have. Hopefully, Bill is doing better in the reboot.
14. “We ask them politely, yet firmly to leave.”
As a medium-rare or die steak connoisseur, Hank is right. If someone wants their steak well done, they have to go. With rising costs these days, there’s no reason to ruin a perfectly good steak by turning it into a baseball mitt.
15. “Bobby, some things are like a tire fire. Trying to put it out only makes it worse. You just gotta grab a beer and let it burn.”
Rather than explain what a woman’s period is and why it happens, Hank decides the best piece of advice is to compare it to a tire fire, essentially telling Bobby to stay out of a woman’s way when it’s her time of the month. Now, Hank clearly isn’t the most sensitive character or in touch with his emotions, as it’s not exactly the best piece of advice to give your son about a woman’s period.
However, there are definitely a few things in life that are like a tire fire. Sometimes, you really do just have to let things burn out and relax, as there’s nothing you can do.