It was Sunday, my girlfriend was spending the day shopping with her friend, and I had nothing particular on my schedule. As an avid lover of movies and TV trying to average one movie a day for 2023, catching a 2:45 showing of The Super Mario Bros. Movie sounded like a decent way to kill some time.
Like a lot of people that went to see it over the last two weeks, I think the overall experience can be described as— meh. The young kids in the back sounded like they were having a great time, and don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I had a horrible time, but it wasn’t exactly good. Kids will definitely enjoy it, but there are a ton of better movies for families out there. All-in-all, The Super Mario Bros. Movie was a bit of a disappointment, and here’s why.
First Thoughts and Italian Accents
The movie itself was a box office smash, making $700 million in its first two weeks of release on a budget of just $100 million. It’s currently thriving off of family audiences and fans of one of the largest IPs in video game history that made the GameCube one of the greatest consoles of all time. Illumination, the animation studio that made it along with Despicable Me and the Minions movies, will without a doubt be releasing a sequel, probably helped in part by a loose end they refused to acknowledge or tie up in the new movie along with an after-credits scene.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie is visually appealing, as are most Illumination films. The world feels vibrant, and the animation is smooth; no complaints there. It’s actually one of the best qualities of the film. Not a single frame is dull and boring. The majority of people’s gripes instead have to do with the fact that the film feels like a rushed job where directors Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic opted to forgo any actual meat of a plot and instead try to cram as many references and Easter eggs into a 92 minute run time as they can.
The movie begins with a helpful explanation for why Mario and Luigi wear white gloves and talk without an Italian accent, and thank god we didn’t have to hear Chris Pratt attempt that. They explained that the white gloves were part of their signature uniform, and the Italian accent was only for a new TV commercial to sell themselves as a pair of Italian plumbers in Brooklyn. Charles Martinet, the actual voice of Mario and Luigi, voices their father, which is a decent nod to the man behind the curtain. He also voices a character named Giuseppe, who can be seen twice in the movie and has a thick Mario accent.
Famous Actors Don’t Make Good Voice Actors
Speaking of voices, I could not help but picture Chris Pratt in my head every time he talked. It absolutely did not help that they decided to use “Mr. Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra at one point when Mario wakes up, further reminding me that I’m watching Star Lord voice an Italian-American hero.
Jack Black is great and steals the show a few times, especially with the song he dedicates to his Peaches. It’s even spawned its own music video you can watch on YouTube so you can experience it again and again. I almost gave the movie an additional star after the scene of him practicing proposing to his right-hand wizard dressed as Peach.
Seth Rogen as Donkey Kong is pretty bad. The fact that he said, “I don’t do voices. And if you want me to be in this movie, it’s gonna sound like me and that’s it,” should’ve made them reconsider because at multiple points, he does his signature stoner laugh and it’s just atrocious.
In short, It just feels like none of the voice actors were given any actual direction with their lines, and that’s the problem when you opt to go with A-list actors instead of actually qualified voice actors. Jack Black and Keegan Michael-Key are an exception here because it sounds like they actually tried. But man, oh man, Anya Taylor Joy, Seth Rogen, and Chris Pratt just phoned it in for this one, and it shows.
We’re Not in Brooklyn Anymore
Back to the plot, if you’re a fan of the games, there are a ton of Easter eggs for you to catch. From the underground 1-2 sign near the first warp pipes to the fact that Mario mistakenly eats a mini mushroom in a fight against Donkey Kong to each and every song from the franchise being played at one point or another, there are bounds of little throwbacks to catch.
But that’s the problem. The movie feels more like a callback to every possible reference to catch up on the 20-year gap rather than create an actual plot. The gist of the plot is that Mario and Luigi find a warp pipe while trying to save Brooklyn from a flood and become local heroes. The pipe sucks them in and transports them to a different universe (?). They get separated, with Luigi going to Bowser’s domain and Mario going to the Mushroom Kingdom.
Bowser, meanwhile, has been destroying the world and has finally found a superstar that will allow him to crush the Mushroom Kingdom once and for all— unless Princess Peach marries him. He’s secretly in love with her and has been this whole time if you didn’t know that already.
Mario meets Toad, who immediately agrees to take him to see the princess after about three words. Princess Peach also agrees to team up with Mario after about three words and a short training montage. Together, they head off to the Jungle Kingdom to recruit the Kong Army.
A few scenes later, after Mario defeats Donkey Kong and they get ambushed on Rainbow Road, there’s now a wedding, and Peach refuses to marry Bowser. Bowser is going to kill everyone, but Mario jumps in and tries to save the day, only for the warp pipe they entered from to be blown up accidentally. It sucks everyone back into Brooklyn, where Mario and Luigi team up via the power of the superstar to beat Bowser and trap him in a little jar after feeding him a mini mushroom.
And that’s it. That’s all 92 minutes summed up in less than three full paragraphs, but it could just as easily be done in one. We also find out Peach is actually a human, but that’s never mentioned again, either. You would think that would be a massive plotline, but it seems they’re saving that for a sequel along with Yoshi, as we saw in the end credits scene. No one back home even questions where Mario and Luigi have been or why a whole ship and lizard king suddenly appeared and started destroying Brooklyn.
There’s also no big emotional development or lesson like in Despicable Me or most kid’s movies. Mario and Luigi are the same Mario and Luigi from the very first frame. They don’t exactly learn anything, and it’s not like they had to overcome some massive inner struggle or conflict to beat Bowser. They get lucky and use the superstar to beat him right at the very end.
They mention a few times in the movie how they’re unbeatable together, but Mario holds his own when they’re apart anyways. They use their combined strength to beat Bowser in the end, but because they were apart the whole time and split up accidentally, it doesn’t mean anything to the viewer. Compared to something like The Incredibles or even Kung Fu Panda, The Super Mario Bros. Movie falls flat on just about everything besides the visuals.
Closing Thoughts
I realize this is very nitpicky for a family-friendly film about a video game character originally intended for children, and yes, you’re right— it is extremely nitpicky. But unless you’re a child, you might be disappointed, especially if you were hoping for something spectacular after 20 years of silence from Nintendo.
It’s a fun movie for kids, which is what it’s supposed to be, but there are plenty of family movies out there that are just as enjoyable for adults as they are for kids. The fact that it has absolutely no message or lesson also shows that they focused more on Easter eggs than any sort of plot in general.
All-in-all, I’d give it a 2.5/5. If you’ve got kids or you’re a fan that will be happy seeing Easter eggs from the franchise in a visually appealing animated movie, give it a go. Otherwise, you might want to check out Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves. I don’t regret seeing it like some other horrible movies I’ve seen, but I don’t think I’ll be watching it again unless my future children want to watch it.
In which case, I hope technology has advanced to the point where multiple people can watch the same TV and enjoy different movies. That should probably exist already anyways, no?
